I just caught one of the [censored word] dogs. Eating the [censored word] stew I was [censored word] making for dinner. Directly from the [censored word] pot. On top of the [censored word] stove.*
(Big sip of wine…)
I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m just a tad more than slightly upset.
I mean, I just dumped a perfectly good dinner – a dinner that everyone in the house actually eats (ha! the dogs too, it seems!) – down the [censored word] sink. I like this stew. It’s delicious. I am hungry. I want to eat stew. This stew. For dinner. Tonight!
(Another big sip of wine…)
Honestly, I was so upset by finding my dastardly little counter-cruisers eating my dinner that (I’m ashamed to admit it, but it’s just between you and me, right?) I actually debated whether or not I should just carry on like nothing happened, heat the stew, and serve everyone dinner as usual. I mean, it’s just a little doggie drool, right? We’re okay with doggie kisses, right??
Yeah, I know. Gross.
(Sip sip sip sip sip…)
I poured myself the wine I’m now gulping – I mean drinking in a very ladylike fashion – while I figured out how to salvage dinner. After a few restorative sips I calmed down enough to open the fridge, pillaged any and all Tupperware containers I found, and managed to put together enough to feed Bill and the three kids.
But I’m still not sure what to do for MY dinner… Do you think dog tastes like chicken?
Hmm… Those dogs are SO lucky I’m a vegetarian.
*No, I hadn’t turned on the heat yet, so all [censored word] dogs were unharmed during the making of this blog post. Not that I’m terribly concerned about their health at this very moment…