Potty Talk

Still Life with Potty Chair

The new bathroom artwork: Still Life with Potty Chair.

Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking hauling the potty chairs out of the storage closet. The toddler isn’t even two years old, and though I’ve heard of wonder babies who potty train super early, neither of my other kids were even remotely interested in giving up their diapers for the porcelain (or plastic) throne much before the age of three… If I do my math correctly (a note to the wise: never trust my math), that means the potty chairs could’ve stayed in storage for at least another year.

But no, no, for some reason, earlier this week, I literally dug out (it’s a very messy closet, for which I feel shame and remorse, but I can think of about a gazillion and a half different chores to complete before I tackle the basement storage areas; after all, there are dust bunnies in my bathtub) all three little, white, plastic potty chairs that I had crammed in the closet (I mean, stowed away in a nice and orderly fashion) after Liam (now 5yo) had effectively completed his potty-training regimen. I then divvied them up, the large potty chair to the main floor (and therefore the most used) bathroom, one smaller one to the master bathroom, and the last small one to the kids’ bathroom, where the toddler (22mo) just happened to be waiting to take his nightly bath.

I put the potty chair down on the floor and proudly showed it to him. Me (like I’m giving him the greatest toy ever invented): Look, Broder, this is where you can go potty; no more diapers! To which he promptly responded by picking up the small white bucket and cleverly putting it on his head. Like a hat. And it fit quite well, actually. And then he giggled like a maniac.

I SO wish I had a snapshot of this moment. I actually thought of recreating the photo opp this morning so I could show you a picture, but then (thankfully) the coffee finally hit my brain, and I realized that, maybe, just maybe, I might not want to encourage him to put the potty chair on his head again. Especially since he’s already showing signs of being the family clown – doing ridiculous things to (mainly) make his siblings laugh, and they’d think a potty chair on their baby brother’s head was a RIOT – I’m sure that if I took his picture with the potty chair on his head I would seal the deal on the funny factor, and would most likely see the potty chair back on his noggin when I least wanted it to be there (read: any time after being returned to potty duty after a 2 ½ year hiatus). It would really take potty humor to a new level… And I’m not ready to go there just yet…

So, not willing to just call myself an idiot for bringing out the chairs a year early (and secretly hoping my youngest child is indeed a wonder baby who learns to use the toilet at the age of two), as a first step in the potty training process I’m trying to teach him just to SIT on the potty chair. Rather than put it on his head like a hat. Or rather than picking it up and throwing it at the cat (yep, that happened, too). And he’s now okay with sitting on the chair… But, it turns out, and I did not know this (perhaps you did, but), it’s quite fun to scoot all around the bathroom and out into the hall on the potty chair, like it was a new-fangled ride-on toy (even though it doesn’t have wheels). How great is that?! It turns out, it just might be the greatest toy ever invented…

How to tell if your child is ready to potty train.

How to tell if your child is ready to potty train: if he’s using the potty chair to scoot around the bathroom while brushing his teeth? He’s probably not ready (notice his left foot in motion; he can scoot FAST – like NASCAR fast).

Right. So, potty training might take a while; I might need to reassess my options… I could keep working on the potty training, knowing that someday soon I will most likely discover my toddler, wet and dripping and laughing like a lunatic, after having tipped a used potty chair over his head (it’s a hat, right? Or a toy. It doesn’t matter, it’s fun!) to entertain his adoring audience (aka, his siblings). Or I could hold off on the training, and just let the miniature plastic bowls serve as yet another dust catcher (after all, I clearly love catching dust); they’ll be like tiny bathroom sculptures, adding a touch of whimsy to the bathroom decor.

Or, of course, I could just put the potty chairs back in the storage closet until the toddler might actually be ready for potty training. You know… When he’s ready to skip to the loo, and use it, too?!

Now that’d be using my head. Or not… using the head that is. Or rather, the toddler wouldn’t be using the head… Wait… Oh, you get the picture!

6 thoughts on “Potty Talk

  1. I wish you luck. My 4 year old is brilliant at home, but refuses to use the potty anywhere else. He has no problem pulling down his pants and displaying his goods for the world to see–even in front of the office at my daughter’s elementary school, but refuses to do his business anywhere but his own potty or his pants.

  2. Thank you for being my usual reliable source of the obvious! Skip to my loo… ha JUST got that. Perhaps I should go put one of those potty chairs on my head and sit in a corner… Oh wait, is this a play on words? Loo… Lou… time to go to bed me thinks… And, good luck with the NASCAR racing. Maybe Paisley and Broder could race… skates versus chair!!

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